We felt so much relief.
We also felt so much anguish.
I remember when we finally decided he was no longer with us, we huddled up and cried. I heard someone wailing. I couldn't tell if it was me or not.
It was so sad, and so exhausting. I have a spot in my heart that aches to see him again. Even if he had his confused look in his eyes he seemed to have so often at the end. I wish to joke with him and have a conversation with him, that in and of itself is not an important moment, but added to the peacefulness and value of daily life.
It is so hard to believe my Dad has been gone for two years.
Dad, I miss you so much. So many times I wanted to feel your arms around my shoulders again. So many times I want to squeeze you with my head on your shoulder where I always felt so protected and comforted. So many times I wanted to hear the compassion in your voice that was genuine and real. So many times I worry that I am lost without your guidance and support. I have so many amazing memories of you. So many reasons that I am who I am. So many fun times we experienced together-- because of your effort in being my Dad.
Being a good Dad takes and exceptional person, and you are an exceptional human being.
I miss you. I love you.
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