Over the past little while I have found my sleep habits are a way I deal with my stress.
I crave the quiet hours when I am the only one awake at night. When I can check on and tuck in my littles, and have time to just be with me. Of course, this causes me a good amount of stress the next morning because of my exhaustion. So, the nights when I don't have work the next morning, or have an appointment first thing, I tend to stay up way past my bed time.
I love taking naps. Its so nice to escape into my room and curl up in my bed and close myself off from my cares and worries and so oftentimes pain. I have amazing dreams that nurture me, and when I wake up, whether I feel better or not, I can feel satisfied in the fact there is more time between myself and whatever it is that has been stressing me out.
Over the past few months it seems the stress has been relentless. I've been coping well, but my need for sleep is all consuming. I am not appreciating it like I used to. I am feeling lazy and boring. I feel like I am an object at rest--- tending to stay at rest. I am caught up in a horrible cycle and have no inspiration to get out of it. Even the support of my friends haven't helped much.
I know I need to get up and get moving. I know that will help me not only feel better, healthier, but also more productive. But then I see my bed and I lay down and my pain reminds me how good it feels to be still. I succumb to my laziness and I let sleep carry me away. I wake up to the big pile of laundry still waiting for me, the kitchen still a mess, and all the little goals of my day becoming the goals for tomorrow. I feel let down by myself- I have nothing to show for my day. I am not an object in motion. This scares me, I don't want to stop yet. I need to move.
I need to move.
