What a difference

My life has changed incredibly.

The new meds took a week or so to adjust.  I am here, 4 weeks almost later, with a whole new drug regime and I actually feel like a contributing member of society.  At least I don't feel like such a failure around my home to my husband and children. 

Its an odd feeling to go to bed at night and realize I don't have pain.  Its an odd thing to have the energy to pick up the kids, get dinner started, pick up around the house, help the kids with homework, and have them help set the table so by the time darling husband is home we are the picture of perfection getting dinner on the table.  OK, not quite picture of perfection.  BUT, I feel vindicated  to some degree that no, I was not in fact lazy, depressed, faking it, or all those other hurtful things certain people said of me.  It was actually my pain.

I still have headaches several times a week.  I have a new rescue med that seems to help a bit more.  To say I am able to pay more attention to signals is the truth.  When one headache lead into another, or a headache lasted days or weeks, to find a trigger or a signal was just about impossible.  I am treating myself gingerly and paying close attention to the ringing in my ears, to the irritability I express shortly before a headache, and of course I can expect a headache depending on the time of month with more certainty than ever.  Now that I can feel a headache coming on, OTC meds are more helpful since I can take it before everything goes crazy.

I am not better.  I am not healed.  But right now life is so different for me.  I don't like being on this much medication.  I do plan on asking to wean off or mess with dosages in a few months, but for now I am appreciating what a normal life seems to be.  And I like it!

Here we go!

Went in to the Doc today... and came home with several new meds.  I am actually hopeful these might do the trick and help me a bit.  However, in the back of my mind is skepticism.  I am choosing not to listen to that for now.

Kids started school and we are starting to get a normal routine.  This also gives me hope.

My big girl was up with a bad dream, which woke up the other two.  Husband has an early morning meeting so I spent a good hour getting everyone calm and back to sleep.  And now, I am wide awake!  I have several things to do tommorrow, so I am hoping my crazy night tonight won't make it too hard for me.

But its nice to feel hopeful anyway.