When I was younger life stopped for headaches. It was new pain. It was extreme pain. It was scary pain. I would retreat to my little bed. I would get a nice cold drink. Our dog Princess, who was old and granny-like, would be allowed to sleep with me. My parents checked in on me often to make sure I was OK. I had physical comfort. I had emotional comfort. I hurt, but I felt safe.
As I have gotten older, the pain is the same. But I know it better. I self-comfort. Now that I have children if I am lucky enough to have someone around when I am in pain, I ask them to care for them. While I have a lot of compassion directed toward me, its just another headache to many of those around me. The physical and emotional support isn't as apparent, and that is just because Mom has a headache. Mom always has a headache. In fact, when a well meaning friend/family/loved one asks me about my pain, I usually downplay it. I usually reject it. This is my life, this is what I deal with, I am used to it.
BUT, I miss being taken care of. I miss the concern I once allowed others to have for me. Now i just don't allow it, which makes me feel lonely and needy. And then I get annoyed with myself because lonely and needy are the very last thing I should ever feel with the amount of love and support I actually do have. I do have a lot of support and love from my friends and family. But is it so bad to just want to be taken care of without worrying about anything?
