I have had amazing wonderfully crazy dreams lately. A lot of them are mirroring my real life, except they have a flair of something fantastical in them.... like some gorgeous red heels, a really fast sports car, a mob boss career, or such as last night: I was dreaming about our family trip to Disneyland in September. While waiting for others to arrive I was talking to some girls who couldn't believe I was 36! They thought there was no way I could be old enough to be a mother to an 8 year old! Amazing dream! I woke up feeling like I looked way older than my 36 years, but I appreciated the compliment my subconscious was trying to give me.
I had a really rough night last night. The pain is intense, I took a lot of different medication and now I feel sick from it, and still have the pain. Overall I have to say the headaches have been better for me. But the average person would still complain. Overall I have to say I am very grateful for my life and my ability to act and do the things I need and sometimes want to do. But I still can't do it all. Overall, things are better, but they are still hard.
I need to recommit to this blog/journal and decide how to use it. Am I using it for my personal purposes, for outreach purposes, for fun(ha!)? I am figuring it out. But I do need to use it. For whatever reason I am going through my trial locked in this body with pain I need to express it. I need to share how I cope and live with it. I feel a need to record my experiences, possibly for my children and posterity. They may or may not find my actions helpful to them, but they will likely find some humor and humanity in them. Or maybe not-- maybe its just for me to get my problems out so I can move onto the next item in my head. Whatever the case may be, it feels good to get it out.
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