Adulting

It guess I gotta be an adult sometime.  I have to figure out how to live my life in a way that will bring me joy and allow me to use my talents.  I also have to figure out how to live my life so I can provide stability and nurturing to my littles.  I have to be able to do that for my littles while I am figuring everything else out-- and that is a bit tricky.

If I had to pick my well-being or my children's, I would pick my children's.  However, I know that my well-being contributes to my children's well-being.  I can not deny myself what is good and important in my life.  But, it is not just my journey anymore.  I gave up my own personal journey when I decided to make another life with my then life-partner.  The journey has changed, and there are more purposes in my life than just myself and my desires. 

I feel like I have gotten bigger-- me and my brood take up more space.  Its no longer me walking quietly down a hall.  Its me and my group of mini-people walking animatedly and sometimes loudly down the hall.  I am a momma duck with her ducklings following along-- they are getting older and go their own way, but I am still fortunate enough to pull them under my wings when I stop walking. (I was just thinking when I see a momma duck with her ducklings, I rarely look at her.. just her babies.  I think its the same when I am around my kids-- they are so much fun to watch)

I get terrified of making a wrong choice, but then I look at my kids, I look at my goals, and I realize that while I am still not exactly sure how I will achieve those goals, I am going to get there.  The end result will happen, and for that I am very content.