My brother-in-law lost his fight with depression this morning and is no longer with us. He was simply a great guy-- I loved him and I am sure if I had a real brother he would have been like him. He and I had some great one on one time before he and my sis were married, and for that I am thankful for our relationship. He was very logical, thoughtful and open minded.
I am so sad.
I am sad for my nieces and nephews. They are going to be fatherless. They are too young to be fatherless. They shouldn't have to know this pain. We adults can deal with it, but they have done nothing and shouldn't have any reason to deal with this pain. I was having very acute separation pains from my Dad this week. I wonder if he was somehow signaling to me that something devastating would happen, or maybe he was reminding me where he was, and he would be there for him.
I am sad for my sister. She was working hard to determine how to go forward in her life and relationship with her husband. She and her husband had so many obstacles to work through and so often she was positive even though there were hurt feelings inside. She often put her pain away to her own detriment and to help others, her children, and even husband. He hurt her so deeply, but she wasn't sure giving up on him was the answer. They had a deep friendship and love, but that didn't make it easy.
I am sad for my brother - in - law. He won't get to experience his children growing up. He won't get to dance with his Daughter on her Wedding Day, or see his Son graduate College. (Or vice versa, see his daughter graduate, and boogie with his boy). He won't be able to snuggle his Grand babies the day they are born and join in on their blessings. HE is going to miss out on so much. I am so sad for HIM.
I completely understand that depression is an illness and when someone takes this step it is often because their mental illness is so far gone that they simply can't see their own worthiness of any one's love. But, I really don't have any idea how that must feel that they throw it all away, that they can't hold on for one more day.
Until we meet again my sweet friend and brother. I might kick you where it counts, but I will hug you and be happy to see you again.
http://marymerriment.hubpages.com/hub/A-Suicide-Survivors-Guide-for-Grieving-Based-on-Personal-Experience
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