Small Plan Changes

I enrolled at PSU back in Spring 2013-- and deferred my enrollment to Fall 2013.  I applied and was accepted in the Child and Family Studies Program in the School of Social Work.  I was so excited to do this-- I applied when my life was pretty much upside down and inside out.  I was following a passion that I had very little support to follow, but I just went for it.  Turns out the timing was better than I could have ever asked for. 

I planned to graduate Spring 2015, but last term I found out that wouldn't be able to happen.  I wasn't really sure why, but I think my specialty (family life educator) had more requirements than I realized.  So, I recalibrated my plans, decided to make life really hard on myself and take some super heavy loads both this term and next term, so I could finish up with my last practicum and my senior capstone in Summer and have my degree at the end of Summer Term 2015.

I just can't do it.  I am lucky to have a non-certified counselor as an older sister, as well as a few other people who love me enough to tell me its OK if I don't actually kill myself, or make myself go insane with 17 class credits this term.  Everyone assumes I can decide for myself what is an appropriate amount of work to take on or not.  And I can.  However, the value of having people in your life who support you to give you advice and really identify what your needs are is priceless.  I mean, its only week 1 and I am stressing out over the amount of reading and writing that is required in all of my classes.  In my gut I know I bit off more than I can chew.  I needed a few people to tell me its OK to admit that and make another change.

So I dropped one course this term. I am only taking 13 credits. 

I am disappointed.  This likely means I won't be able to graduate in Summer.  BUT, I think I will still be able to graduate in 2015.  I am disappointed my plan isn't going as I imagined it, but its still going to be completed and in the long run, it won't matter exactly when I get my degree. 

I am relieved that I can take one class load off of my shoulders this terms.

I am proud of myself that I am putting my needs in front of my ego, which told me I needed to follow through and do it as I planned to do it. 

Life is important and I can't loose sight of what I am dealing with right now.  I don't feel good often times, which makes reading and studying and writing to all hours of the night very difficult.  I don't want to neglect my children as I study. I can't miss out on their lives just because I am busy torturing myself with the requirements of my own.  I need to be flexible and willing to do the things when they are best to be done.  If it takes me longer that is OK.  Small plan changes are happens when life is being lived.  And I am at a point where I can't beat myself up for it.