We had a fight- one of the worst in our marriage. The reason? I am not doing enough around here. Because I always have a headache.
Will headaches bring down my marriage? Maybe its time to talk to the doctor again. And a marriage counselor...
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Apology?
So, with the adjustment to meds, I have been allowing myself to rest a bit more and be more vocal about how I am feeling.
My husband says to me: You have been having way more headaches than usual- maybe this medication isn't working at all. OK- I need time to adjust to the medication. It could be weeks to get it into my system before I start seeing the actual results. Overall I am starting to see improvement already.
However, I realized I had made a pact with myself months ago to simply not tell him about my headaches because after telling him I had a headache every day it became almost an annoyance to him. Hearing I have a headache is also saying: What else is new? And that kind of hurts my feelings. So to protect myself and avoid that kind of reaction I tried to only tell him about the bad ones.
I recently find myself apologizing to him for having a headache. This headache means I might not get the house cleaned up. It means I might run upstairs and rest after he gets home, or even turn dinner over to him. It means I might not join him in reading to the children before bed. He tells me he misses me. He tells me the kids miss me. Inside I am sad- I don't want to miss out on daily activities. I don't want to live in a disorganized home. I don't want my children to understand that some days Mommy just can't tolerate their normal every day noise and activity.
Why do I have to apologize? I feel even more alone when I apologize- and maybe he doesn't even want an apology, because he never tells me its OK. He just goes on and does what needs to be done(hmmm... maybe that is his way of accepting it). When he tells me the kids miss me and he misses me I feel like he is laying a guilt trip on me(which I don't think he is- he doesn't do that sort of thing). I feel worse than I already do. And I push myself through the pain.
I am bit frustrated. I don't have a headache today though- so that is good. I am just working through things in the only way I seem to know- in my writing. I am posting it because some day maybe my children will learn from my ramblings. Maybe there is someone in cyberspace that might stumble accross this and find comfort- but this post is really just for me. I think I do feel better after writing- what else is there to do but keep on going and creating my life to the best of my ability? Even if its not what I WANT- its my best, so it has to be OK. Because it is what it is.
My husband says to me: You have been having way more headaches than usual- maybe this medication isn't working at all. OK- I need time to adjust to the medication. It could be weeks to get it into my system before I start seeing the actual results. Overall I am starting to see improvement already.
However, I realized I had made a pact with myself months ago to simply not tell him about my headaches because after telling him I had a headache every day it became almost an annoyance to him. Hearing I have a headache is also saying: What else is new? And that kind of hurts my feelings. So to protect myself and avoid that kind of reaction I tried to only tell him about the bad ones.
I recently find myself apologizing to him for having a headache. This headache means I might not get the house cleaned up. It means I might run upstairs and rest after he gets home, or even turn dinner over to him. It means I might not join him in reading to the children before bed. He tells me he misses me. He tells me the kids miss me. Inside I am sad- I don't want to miss out on daily activities. I don't want to live in a disorganized home. I don't want my children to understand that some days Mommy just can't tolerate their normal every day noise and activity.
Why do I have to apologize? I feel even more alone when I apologize- and maybe he doesn't even want an apology, because he never tells me its OK. He just goes on and does what needs to be done(hmmm... maybe that is his way of accepting it). When he tells me the kids miss me and he misses me I feel like he is laying a guilt trip on me(which I don't think he is- he doesn't do that sort of thing). I feel worse than I already do. And I push myself through the pain.
I am bit frustrated. I don't have a headache today though- so that is good. I am just working through things in the only way I seem to know- in my writing. I am posting it because some day maybe my children will learn from my ramblings. Maybe there is someone in cyberspace that might stumble accross this and find comfort- but this post is really just for me. I think I do feel better after writing- what else is there to do but keep on going and creating my life to the best of my ability? Even if its not what I WANT- its my best, so it has to be OK. Because it is what it is.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Started
So- I participated in my second Tri-athlon on July 31st. I improved my time ALOT! And am so happy with my results. I look forward to my third one in September. It seems I need to keep an event on the horizon so I keep up my training. I wish I could just go out and exercise- maybe someday I will- but until then, this method is working and I will take it.
I waited until Aug. 1st to start up my new medications. For two reasons. The last time I started up my meds I had a rough transition and didn't want to be dealing with stomach issues, light-headedness, fatigue, etc., while training. Second, I was able to take the last two weeks to wean the baby completely. And while it was not a big deal- she is almost a year and a half and she no longer needed my milk for nutrition, it was still sad for me to loose a little bit of closeness with the last baby of our family. I will admit its nice to reclaim my body. :o)
This week the adjustments didn't seem too bad. I had some stomach issues, but not nearly as severe as the first time- I wonder if this is because the doctor had me step up little by little the previous time rather than doing it all at once this time(Its a lower dosage this time too)? I did have a lot of fatigue and light-headedness. Luckily my kids let me take it easy. It was Big Girls last week of summer school. Little Man was a bit grumpy, but generally is such an easy kid. Baby girl wasn't near as ornery as she is normally- including a day at the hospital to check up on her kidneys(which aren't do well and causing me stress- but we won't know more until the end of the month after more testing so I am trying to copy by not thinking about it, which makes me think about it constantly- but I am denying it bothers me to anyone who asks as another coping mechanism- none of this is good by the way for my headaches). My sister did take my big kids one afternoon so I could sleep when the baby slept- that was nicer than nice.
We leave for a short vacation down at J's parents home. We can't afford a vacation this summer, so we are enjoying free room and board at his parents place. I have made peace with this- my kids love being at their grand parents and they won't remember a summer or two without a real vacation. Its important for them to spend time with their River Grandparents- and vice versa. I always get to relax and chill out while I am there too- I look forward to runs in the morning and visits to the river bed. And hopefully by the time we are back my adjustments to the medication will be complete and I will start seeing an improvement.
The rest of the summer will include my organizing and getting ready for fall. A well check for the baby, the big girl, an in depth VCUG for the baby. I will try to have at least one or two days a week with a fun outing to the zoo or omsi for the kids- but overall we will keep it pretty chill. I want to enjoy my time with my kiddo's- they are such wonderful little people!
I waited until Aug. 1st to start up my new medications. For two reasons. The last time I started up my meds I had a rough transition and didn't want to be dealing with stomach issues, light-headedness, fatigue, etc., while training. Second, I was able to take the last two weeks to wean the baby completely. And while it was not a big deal- she is almost a year and a half and she no longer needed my milk for nutrition, it was still sad for me to loose a little bit of closeness with the last baby of our family. I will admit its nice to reclaim my body. :o)
This week the adjustments didn't seem too bad. I had some stomach issues, but not nearly as severe as the first time- I wonder if this is because the doctor had me step up little by little the previous time rather than doing it all at once this time(Its a lower dosage this time too)? I did have a lot of fatigue and light-headedness. Luckily my kids let me take it easy. It was Big Girls last week of summer school. Little Man was a bit grumpy, but generally is such an easy kid. Baby girl wasn't near as ornery as she is normally- including a day at the hospital to check up on her kidneys(which aren't do well and causing me stress- but we won't know more until the end of the month after more testing so I am trying to copy by not thinking about it, which makes me think about it constantly- but I am denying it bothers me to anyone who asks as another coping mechanism- none of this is good by the way for my headaches). My sister did take my big kids one afternoon so I could sleep when the baby slept- that was nicer than nice.
We leave for a short vacation down at J's parents home. We can't afford a vacation this summer, so we are enjoying free room and board at his parents place. I have made peace with this- my kids love being at their grand parents and they won't remember a summer or two without a real vacation. Its important for them to spend time with their River Grandparents- and vice versa. I always get to relax and chill out while I am there too- I look forward to runs in the morning and visits to the river bed. And hopefully by the time we are back my adjustments to the medication will be complete and I will start seeing an improvement.
The rest of the summer will include my organizing and getting ready for fall. A well check for the baby, the big girl, an in depth VCUG for the baby. I will try to have at least one or two days a week with a fun outing to the zoo or omsi for the kids- but overall we will keep it pretty chill. I want to enjoy my time with my kiddo's- they are such wonderful little people!
Friday, July 16, 2010
How fragile life
“How fragile life, how certain death. We do not know when we will be required to leave this mortal existence. And so I ask, ‘What are we doing with today?’ If we live only for tomorrow, we’ll have a lot of empty yesterdays today.”
Thomas S. Monson
Thomas S. Monson
Monday, July 12, 2010
The Start
So, I finally made it into the doctor! Yay! Hooray for me!
This was a huge step. It took months to actually go through with it thanks to my "issues" with doctors and getting the run-around. I finally called on day 5 of a headache and THE LINE WAS BUSY! The next day too. The number on the Internet must be bad. So, after another month and another round of a several day long migraine, I stopped in and made my appointment in person. I also grabbed several of her cards so I don't run into the busy signal again.
I had a complete exam that included a blood draw a few days before. I found out that I AM HEALTHY! In the back of mind I worried there was some underlying issue(diabetes or cancer or some rare disease they would need to send me to a controlled medical lab and test me for years....), and nope- my blood is perfect. My levels are 'beautiful'!
I had a great conversation with my doctor about my headaches. She and I discussed multiple factors, the different types of headaches, and different ways of treating them. I feel very satisfied with the time she spent talking and actually listening to me. She seemed to understand the stage of life I am in with my kiddos and the issues I am dealing with my parents. As we talked when I was unsure about a plan she was able to give me direction and let me weigh it out in my own mind.
I am looking forward(and I seriously can't believe that I am) to trying to this new plan and seeing how I respond to it. Maybe this is a feeling of hope? It feels like a brand-new notebook, so fresh and clean that I can just start writing in. I love new notebooks. But with this, I know first hand how hard it is to get to the right medication levels. But, maybe with this hope I will be able to continue on when the air goes out of my sails a bit. I am cautiously optimistic.
So.... here goes nothing!
This was a huge step. It took months to actually go through with it thanks to my "issues" with doctors and getting the run-around. I finally called on day 5 of a headache and THE LINE WAS BUSY! The next day too. The number on the Internet must be bad. So, after another month and another round of a several day long migraine, I stopped in and made my appointment in person. I also grabbed several of her cards so I don't run into the busy signal again.
I had a complete exam that included a blood draw a few days before. I found out that I AM HEALTHY! In the back of mind I worried there was some underlying issue(diabetes or cancer or some rare disease they would need to send me to a controlled medical lab and test me for years....), and nope- my blood is perfect. My levels are 'beautiful'!
I had a great conversation with my doctor about my headaches. She and I discussed multiple factors, the different types of headaches, and different ways of treating them. I feel very satisfied with the time she spent talking and actually listening to me. She seemed to understand the stage of life I am in with my kiddos and the issues I am dealing with my parents. As we talked when I was unsure about a plan she was able to give me direction and let me weigh it out in my own mind.
I am looking forward(and I seriously can't believe that I am) to trying to this new plan and seeing how I respond to it. Maybe this is a feeling of hope? It feels like a brand-new notebook, so fresh and clean that I can just start writing in. I love new notebooks. But with this, I know first hand how hard it is to get to the right medication levels. But, maybe with this hope I will be able to continue on when the air goes out of my sails a bit. I am cautiously optimistic.
So.... here goes nothing!
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Tri-athlete
Last Saturday(May 15th), I participated in my first tri-athlon ever! And it was a thrill!
I was very interested in seeing how my body responded to the training. I am not a fan of exercise and only do so because its on my list of things to do. I often have a headache and used that as an excuse(even though its a worthy excuse) to not go out and do what I know I am supposed to be doing.
Having a goal of this tri-athlon was what I needed. Several times I went upstairs to get ready to train and looked at my bed, or looked down the hall in the computer room and thought about just sitting.... I couldn't simply because I had a goal that seemed larger than life! I HAD to get my shoes on and head out the door because I, quite frankly, didn't want to DIE on the tri-athlon course!
The break from the kids was good for me too. Thankfully I have a very supportive husband who didn't mind when I took off in the evenings to swim. Or spent my Saturday morning biking. Or listened to me complain of my hip hurting after a run. While out and about I had a chance to meditate, think, evaluate my life. I am thankful for that time- and I need MORE of it!
I had a couple of nights where I couldn't go. My head hurt too bad and I listened to the beckon of my bed. The bad headaches were just as bad as they normally were.
But the daily quiet headache seemed to leave me quicker than usual. This could be from the exercise. This could be the fact exercising(running, biking and swimming) hurt different muscles and I was swallowing anti-inflammatories daily. It could be I just became so focused on my goal that my pain took second shelf.
This past week I came down with strep throat and didn't exercise at all. I wanted to- my body needed it. It also needed to rest. My baby also needed it. She was used to heading out into the world about an hour before we pick up our boy from the bus-stop. She brought me her shoes and tried to get me out of the house at our usual time(Pretty cute if you ask me!).
I look forward to next week so I can get out and exercise some more and continue to watch my body's reaction. I also promise to call my doctor to get my physical so we can start evaluating my headaches again. I also need to decide on my next "event" so I can be goal oreinted with training again!
I am a tri-athlete!
I am so happy my body is healthy enough to participate. It is healthy enough to train. I am healthy!
I was very interested in seeing how my body responded to the training. I am not a fan of exercise and only do so because its on my list of things to do. I often have a headache and used that as an excuse(even though its a worthy excuse) to not go out and do what I know I am supposed to be doing.
Having a goal of this tri-athlon was what I needed. Several times I went upstairs to get ready to train and looked at my bed, or looked down the hall in the computer room and thought about just sitting.... I couldn't simply because I had a goal that seemed larger than life! I HAD to get my shoes on and head out the door because I, quite frankly, didn't want to DIE on the tri-athlon course!
The break from the kids was good for me too. Thankfully I have a very supportive husband who didn't mind when I took off in the evenings to swim. Or spent my Saturday morning biking. Or listened to me complain of my hip hurting after a run. While out and about I had a chance to meditate, think, evaluate my life. I am thankful for that time- and I need MORE of it!
I had a couple of nights where I couldn't go. My head hurt too bad and I listened to the beckon of my bed. The bad headaches were just as bad as they normally were.
But the daily quiet headache seemed to leave me quicker than usual. This could be from the exercise. This could be the fact exercising(running, biking and swimming) hurt different muscles and I was swallowing anti-inflammatories daily. It could be I just became so focused on my goal that my pain took second shelf.
This past week I came down with strep throat and didn't exercise at all. I wanted to- my body needed it. It also needed to rest. My baby also needed it. She was used to heading out into the world about an hour before we pick up our boy from the bus-stop. She brought me her shoes and tried to get me out of the house at our usual time(Pretty cute if you ask me!).
I look forward to next week so I can get out and exercise some more and continue to watch my body's reaction. I also promise to call my doctor to get my physical so we can start evaluating my headaches again. I also need to decide on my next "event" so I can be goal oreinted with training again!
I am a tri-athlete!
Monday, May 3, 2010
Does knowlege bring comfort?
I get hormone headaches. I am very sensitive to hormones and will get one the day before the day of the beginning of my period. My worst headache in my life was after giving birth to baby #3. Hormone fluctuations are a BAD word.
When I mention this, most people are relieved or excited or assume that its great I know the cause of my headaches. While a woman has hormonal fluctuations all month long, not all of my headaches are because of this. I probably attribute one or two a month to this. And having 3-5 headaches a week, two a month isn't much. Even if I could treat these few period headaches, I still have a month worth of headaches that I don't know the exact cause.
But there is security in knowing why I have a headache. Kind of like a mystery solved(read: Phew- at least it wasn't a stroke!). So I wonder if I knew the cause of every headache, even if there was no solution, if it would give me some sort of comfort. I wonder.
This reminds me of a time in my youth when I told my Dad if I ever died before him, he needed them to open up my brain and find out what the cause of all these headaches were- I wanted him to search for an answer to all of this pain. After talking with him about this subject I decided I wouldn't want to him to look into after all. I believe I will look back on this life from a different perspective and see what God wanted me to learn from all of this pain and that will be enough(Too bad I haven't figured it out yet- maybe that would help the headaches stop?)
And while I love hearing people tell me their reasons for getting headaches and giving me the advice(Wear sunglasses, drink more water, take your multivitamin, lay off the wheat products), I still have to swallow my knee jerk reaction, which is: You honestly think I haven't looked into that one before? Good intentions- I need to take them for what they are: Good. I have learned to smile and nod.
When I mention this, most people are relieved or excited or assume that its great I know the cause of my headaches. While a woman has hormonal fluctuations all month long, not all of my headaches are because of this. I probably attribute one or two a month to this. And having 3-5 headaches a week, two a month isn't much. Even if I could treat these few period headaches, I still have a month worth of headaches that I don't know the exact cause.
But there is security in knowing why I have a headache. Kind of like a mystery solved(read: Phew- at least it wasn't a stroke!). So I wonder if I knew the cause of every headache, even if there was no solution, if it would give me some sort of comfort. I wonder.
This reminds me of a time in my youth when I told my Dad if I ever died before him, he needed them to open up my brain and find out what the cause of all these headaches were- I wanted him to search for an answer to all of this pain. After talking with him about this subject I decided I wouldn't want to him to look into after all. I believe I will look back on this life from a different perspective and see what God wanted me to learn from all of this pain and that will be enough(Too bad I haven't figured it out yet- maybe that would help the headaches stop?)
And while I love hearing people tell me their reasons for getting headaches and giving me the advice(Wear sunglasses, drink more water, take your multivitamin, lay off the wheat products), I still have to swallow my knee jerk reaction, which is: You honestly think I haven't looked into that one before? Good intentions- I need to take them for what they are: Good. I have learned to smile and nod.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
I will help you
I did go to the doctor on Tuesday. Wow! Except it wasn't specifically for migraines. I felt a UTI coming on and didn't get in soon enough and ended up with a UTI and a kidney infection. I have only met with this Doctor once before- about a year ago when I was pregnant and about to pop. My OB/GYN's office was giving me a hard time about not having a primary doctor listed, and I didn't have one since we switched insurances.
Anyway, I used this time to talk to her about my headaches. I told her about them my first visit, so she asked me about them before I had a chance to mention them. She said: I will help you.
I am still nursing. The weaning is going very slowly, and I am wondering if I really want to wean this beautiful baby. The quiet times I have to nurse are priceless. I get to not only enjoy my sweet baby in my arms and marvel at the fact I am still nourishing her body over a year after she left my body, I also use this time to meditate and examine my life. I pray and think about my blessings and ask for guidance and comfort going forward. Will I carve out this time after we are done nursing? I think I will try.
So, I will go in for a physical. Its been a long time since I have had all my level checked. Throughout my headache journey a lot has been tested and tried, but I can't remember what, and that was long ago. It will be interesting to start at ground level and see if she really can help me.
Anyway, I used this time to talk to her about my headaches. I told her about them my first visit, so she asked me about them before I had a chance to mention them. She said: I will help you.
I am still nursing. The weaning is going very slowly, and I am wondering if I really want to wean this beautiful baby. The quiet times I have to nurse are priceless. I get to not only enjoy my sweet baby in my arms and marvel at the fact I am still nourishing her body over a year after she left my body, I also use this time to meditate and examine my life. I pray and think about my blessings and ask for guidance and comfort going forward. Will I carve out this time after we are done nursing? I think I will try.
So, I will go in for a physical. Its been a long time since I have had all my level checked. Throughout my headache journey a lot has been tested and tried, but I can't remember what, and that was long ago. It will be interesting to start at ground level and see if she really can help me.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Same old...
After a very lovely day without pain I embarked on a week with relentless headaches. Sweet husband has been very accomodating with my pain. He has helped with the baby quite a bit and given me my space.
But I am just tired of it.
I have a great support system. I have people I can call to help me out. But as a my job right now is caregiver and mommy, I do not feel comfortable having someone take care of my children so I can get rest or sleep or peace and quiet when it might not even help my symptoms.
Goods news. I am ready to call the doc.
But I am just tired of it.
I have a great support system. I have people I can call to help me out. But as a my job right now is caregiver and mommy, I do not feel comfortable having someone take care of my children so I can get rest or sleep or peace and quiet when it might not even help my symptoms.
Goods news. I am ready to call the doc.
Monday, March 1, 2010
No Headache?
I was so excited to blog last night--
I had a day without a headache!
Well... it started with one as usual- my typical throb- but I took something and ate a yummy breakfast made just for me by my amazing husband and off to church I went to practice with the choir. I skipped out on the getting everyone out the door part(I had the kids ready to go, only Daddy needed to finish getting ready), and that relieved a little of my usual Sunday stress.
Now church, while I love it, is a hard thing for me. I am not sure why, but I usually feel exhausted, headachey, and just plain spent by the time I get home from three hours. It might be the spiritual aspect that wears my mind out, it might be the fact I am wearing shoes and clothes that just aren't super comfortable. Maybe its my "let down" assumption that I have a day where my husband is home to help me out if I need it, so I usually need it. Who knows.
But this past Sunday I felt great! So good! My husband noticed a difference and mentioned my being in a great mood. I didn't need to go lay down at all after church. We went on a family walk(I even ran a bit). I played HORSE with my husband, and was the horse.
I felt so good. I wondered what did I do differently this past week? I exercised a lot more than usual, ate the same, stress wasn't as bad as it has been. I went to bed Saturday night at a somewhat decent hour.
I was so excited, I couldn't wait to make this post last night. Except we got a virus on our 'puter and I couldn't.
Well. The No Headache status didn't last. The baby had a really hard time last night. She switched back to her daily low-dose antibiotics from her super strong ones for the ear infection she had last week. She was fussy, wouldn't let me put her down. So, I woke up in pain around 1 to tend to her. I tried to put her down again and couldn't. I held a bit longer, but my right shoulder and upper back was killing me. I was in so much pain I went downstairs for some medicine. I finally got her settled again and slept for another few hours when she was up around 4. I just couldn't do it. I tried, but finally I asked for help. My husband took over and he dealt with her while I layed in my bed with my back and head and joints hurting. My mind couldn't rest because my baby was crying. Then I started thinking about things that tend to haunt me in the middle of the night. I got up around 7, still hurting, but thankful for the little amount of rest I did have.
I managed to get dressed and lunches made, kids fed and dressed, kids sent off to school. My kitchen was a mess, but that was OK. When Baby and I got back home we had some breakfast together. My sore and stiff body didn't want to move, but being that today is fore casted to be one of the last non-raining days for a while I loaded Baby into her stroller and we went for a walk. It felt good. My headache receded. My stiffness left. We lunched with Daddy and came back home and while I am feeling slower, I am OK. While I am irritable and a bit sensitive, I am OK. And its OK to be just OK.
I got the baby down for a nap. I watched a neighbor boy for a few hours. I cleaned up the kitchen. I managed to get my kids some after school snacks that actually kept them full for longer than 15 minutes. I was able to get dinner(out of the freezer- yay for home made freezer meals!) made. I am glad my husband is home now and I get a 15 minute break. I have my aqua aerobics class tonight that I haven't decided if I will go or not.
WHAT I AM LEARNING FROM TODAY: I can live with pain. I can live with my headaches. I can still CARE for my FAMILY and meet my obligations. I might do it better without the pain, BUT I am capable to do it with it. And I think that is pretty darn OK.
I had a day without a headache!
Well... it started with one as usual- my typical throb- but I took something and ate a yummy breakfast made just for me by my amazing husband and off to church I went to practice with the choir. I skipped out on the getting everyone out the door part(I had the kids ready to go, only Daddy needed to finish getting ready), and that relieved a little of my usual Sunday stress.
Now church, while I love it, is a hard thing for me. I am not sure why, but I usually feel exhausted, headachey, and just plain spent by the time I get home from three hours. It might be the spiritual aspect that wears my mind out, it might be the fact I am wearing shoes and clothes that just aren't super comfortable. Maybe its my "let down" assumption that I have a day where my husband is home to help me out if I need it, so I usually need it. Who knows.
But this past Sunday I felt great! So good! My husband noticed a difference and mentioned my being in a great mood. I didn't need to go lay down at all after church. We went on a family walk(I even ran a bit). I played HORSE with my husband, and was the horse.
I felt so good. I wondered what did I do differently this past week? I exercised a lot more than usual, ate the same, stress wasn't as bad as it has been. I went to bed Saturday night at a somewhat decent hour.
I was so excited, I couldn't wait to make this post last night. Except we got a virus on our 'puter and I couldn't.
Well. The No Headache status didn't last. The baby had a really hard time last night. She switched back to her daily low-dose antibiotics from her super strong ones for the ear infection she had last week. She was fussy, wouldn't let me put her down. So, I woke up in pain around 1 to tend to her. I tried to put her down again and couldn't. I held a bit longer, but my right shoulder and upper back was killing me. I was in so much pain I went downstairs for some medicine. I finally got her settled again and slept for another few hours when she was up around 4. I just couldn't do it. I tried, but finally I asked for help. My husband took over and he dealt with her while I layed in my bed with my back and head and joints hurting. My mind couldn't rest because my baby was crying. Then I started thinking about things that tend to haunt me in the middle of the night. I got up around 7, still hurting, but thankful for the little amount of rest I did have.
I managed to get dressed and lunches made, kids fed and dressed, kids sent off to school. My kitchen was a mess, but that was OK. When Baby and I got back home we had some breakfast together. My sore and stiff body didn't want to move, but being that today is fore casted to be one of the last non-raining days for a while I loaded Baby into her stroller and we went for a walk. It felt good. My headache receded. My stiffness left. We lunched with Daddy and came back home and while I am feeling slower, I am OK. While I am irritable and a bit sensitive, I am OK. And its OK to be just OK.
I got the baby down for a nap. I watched a neighbor boy for a few hours. I cleaned up the kitchen. I managed to get my kids some after school snacks that actually kept them full for longer than 15 minutes. I was able to get dinner(out of the freezer- yay for home made freezer meals!) made. I am glad my husband is home now and I get a 15 minute break. I have my aqua aerobics class tonight that I haven't decided if I will go or not.
WHAT I AM LEARNING FROM TODAY: I can live with pain. I can live with my headaches. I can still CARE for my FAMILY and meet my obligations. I might do it better without the pain, BUT I am capable to do it with it. And I think that is pretty darn OK.
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