Not much to report.... Dealing with some thyroid issues... and high blood sugar(not pre-diabetes yet, but I have to watch my carbs). And I am not dealing with either of these things so well. I am trying to get a better sleep pattern. I am tracking my headaches and trying to have a better understanding of them so I can report more information to my doctor. But these things are hard to pay attention to. These things take another form of effort.
I am still trying to finish up classes for my degree, and I am not sure it is going to happen by the end of this term. I am so frustrated. But I put on brave face and tell those around me its OK because the end result is what matters. But what I don't tell them is how much it really hurts me to not achieve my goals when I originally set out to achieve them. I don't tell them how much I feel I have failed myself-- no one else, because honestly no one else cares-- but myself. What I don't tell them is that while I smile and say I am fine, I really am not and I am falling apart all over the place.
People tell me I am strong-- this is very dismissive. I am strong, but I still need support. When people tell me I am strong in the midst of my challenges, they are telling me I am doing great by myself and they move on. I am very independent and don't want a lot of help, but sometimes I just need someone to quietly stand next to me and help me stand for myself. I do know how to ask for help and I have been able to let a few people do so. But it hurts that so many people seem oblivious to the turmoil that feels so close to my surface these days.
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