Thursday, November 4, 2010

Doctor Visit

Its funny how when I seem to go to the doctor its usually not for my headaches.  I go in for some other reason and then use that time to ask her a question or two.  I wonder why I can't just face the fact that these headaches are real and consuming and deserve an appointment all their own. 

I had an experience recently of someone discounting my headaches because I can live my life with them.  I don't always collapse in my bed and disappear- I usually push through the pain, nausea, discomfort.  I call this my strength, but maybe its stupidity.  During a headache I am usually a bear to deal with but it is normally just my family who sees it.  I can fake it for the rest of the world- shield them from the monster this chronic pain creates.  Seriously, who really wants to know how I am really doing when they ask: hey, how are you? 

Anyway- heading into the doctor today for a different issue other than headaches- a pain issue- but hopefully she can send me in the right direction to get this other issue fixed.  I will talk to her about my headache issues and maybe get a couple of adjustments made. 

I simply need to be more assertive in this area of my life and I am sincerely wondering why I am not.  I would be assertive about it if it were my children, my husband, my parents.  Do I not place enough value on myself?  Or is it due to habit?  Fear?  Laziness?  All of the above?  Maybe its something else I haven't come up with yet but at least I have identified something needs to change.  Now its the fun part- changing it.

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