I will help you

I did go to the doctor on Tuesday. Wow! Except it wasn't specifically for migraines. I felt a UTI coming on and didn't get in soon enough and ended up with a UTI and a kidney infection. I have only met with this Doctor once before- about a year ago when I was pregnant and about to pop. My OB/GYN's office was giving me a hard time about not having a primary doctor listed, and I didn't have one since we switched insurances.

Anyway, I used this time to talk to her about my headaches. I told her about them my first visit, so she asked me about them before I had a chance to mention them. She said: I will help you.

I am still nursing. The weaning is going very slowly, and I am wondering if I really want to wean this beautiful baby. The quiet times I have to nurse are priceless. I get to not only enjoy my sweet baby in my arms and marvel at the fact I am still nourishing her body over a year after she left my body, I also use this time to meditate and examine my life. I pray and think about my blessings and ask for guidance and comfort going forward. Will I carve out this time after we are done nursing? I think I will try.

So, I will go in for a physical. Its been a long time since I have had all my level checked. Throughout my headache journey a lot has been tested and tried, but I can't remember what, and that was long ago. It will be interesting to start at ground level and see if she really can help me.

Same old...

After a very lovely day without pain I embarked on a week with relentless headaches. Sweet husband has been very accomodating with my pain. He has helped with the baby quite a bit and given me my space.

But I am just tired of it.

I have a great support system. I have people I can call to help me out. But as a my job right now is caregiver and mommy, I do not feel comfortable having someone take care of my children so I can get rest or sleep or peace and quiet when it might not even help my symptoms.

Goods news. I am ready to call the doc.

No Headache?

I was so excited to blog last night--

I had a day without a headache!

Well... it started with one as usual- my typical throb- but I took something and ate a yummy breakfast made just for me by my amazing husband and off to church I went to practice with the choir. I skipped out on the getting everyone out the door part(I had the kids ready to go, only Daddy needed to finish getting ready), and that relieved a little of my usual Sunday stress.

Now church, while I love it, is a hard thing for me. I am not sure why, but I usually feel exhausted, headachey, and just plain spent by the time I get home from three hours. It might be the spiritual aspect that wears my mind out, it might be the fact I am wearing shoes and clothes that just aren't super comfortable. Maybe its my "let down" assumption that I have a day where my husband is home to help me out if I need it, so I usually need it. Who knows.

But this past Sunday I felt great! So good! My husband noticed a difference and mentioned my being in a great mood. I didn't need to go lay down at all after church. We went on a family walk(I even ran a bit). I played HORSE with my husband, and was the horse.

I felt so good. I wondered what did I do differently this past week? I exercised a lot more than usual, ate the same, stress wasn't as bad as it has been. I went to bed Saturday night at a somewhat decent hour.

I was so excited, I couldn't wait to make this post last night. Except we got a virus on our 'puter and I couldn't.

Well. The No Headache status didn't last. The baby had a really hard time last night. She switched back to her daily low-dose antibiotics from her super strong ones for the ear infection she had last week. She was fussy, wouldn't let me put her down. So, I woke up in pain around 1 to tend to her. I tried to put her down again and couldn't. I held a bit longer, but my right shoulder and upper back was killing me. I was in so much pain I went downstairs for some medicine. I finally got her settled again and slept for another few hours when she was up around 4. I just couldn't do it. I tried, but finally I asked for help. My husband took over and he dealt with her while I layed in my bed with my back and head and joints hurting. My mind couldn't rest because my baby was crying. Then I started thinking about things that tend to haunt me in the middle of the night. I got up around 7, still hurting, but thankful for the little amount of rest I did have.

I managed to get dressed and lunches made, kids fed and dressed, kids sent off to school. My kitchen was a mess, but that was OK. When Baby and I got back home we had some breakfast together. My sore and stiff body didn't want to move, but being that today is fore casted to be one of the last non-raining days for a while I loaded Baby into her stroller and we went for a walk. It felt good. My headache receded. My stiffness left. We lunched with Daddy and came back home and while I am feeling slower, I am OK. While I am irritable and a bit sensitive, I am OK. And its OK to be just OK.

I got the baby down for a nap. I watched a neighbor boy for a few hours. I cleaned up the kitchen. I managed to get my kids some after school snacks that actually kept them full for longer than 15 minutes. I was able to get dinner(out of the freezer- yay for home made freezer meals!) made. I am glad my husband is home now and I get a 15 minute break. I have my aqua aerobics class tonight that I haven't decided if I will go or not.

WHAT I AM LEARNING FROM TODAY: I can live with pain. I can live with my headaches. I can still CARE for my FAMILY and meet my obligations. I might do it better without the pain, BUT I am capable to do it with it. And I think that is pretty darn OK.